How Apple decided on the new products announced today

Executive Boardroom, Apple Inc.- early this morning

Exec #1- so what are we going to announce today?  Color iMac?

SJ- been there, done that.  Engadget said we should make an iPhone without the phone.  I think that's what we'll do.  Can't let that Palm dude trump me.

Exec #2- wouldn't an iPhone without the Phone be just the "i"?  I don't get it.

SJ- no you moron. It would be the iNoPhone.

#6- doesn't sound catchy to me.  Especially with that fancy touch screen.

SJ- iPod Touch- you're brilliant, whoever you are.  iPod Touch it is.  Let's add WiFi and let the faithful buy songs directly from the iPod Touch.  I'm going to be a trillionaire!

#1- you're brilliant, sir.

SJ- I know but don't suck up.  You're fired!  What's up next to be announced?

Exec #2 (now #1)- I'm thinking a Fat Nano.

SJ- call one of our products Fat without PH?  You're fired!  I'm thinking we make a shorter, thicker Nano and call it the iPod Nano.

#4- brilliant sir!

SJ- I told you people to stop sucking up.  You're fired!

#5- Gulp!  How about we sell ringtones on the iTunes Music Store?  We can charge the sheep for the song and again for the ringtone.  Double dipping!

SJ- You're brilliant!  You're also now #1.  Now, how can we amp up iPhone sales again?

#3- drop the 4 GB iPhone which was for wimps anyway and then drop the price for the 8 GB version.

SJ-  great idea, let's drop the price $200 to $399!

(sound of jaws hitting the conference table)

#6- but sir, won't our most fanatical and loyal customers who stood in line just 2 months ago get pissed?

SJ- you said it yourself, they are the fanatical ones who will love us no matter what.  Screw them!  Let's drop the price.  I'll make so much money off the AT&T commission every month it will almost be obscene!

SJ assistant- Mr. Jobs, it's time for the big speech.

SJ- OK apostles, let's get this thing done!  Time to spread my love to the masses.

Comments

[Scotty]

I really think this pice drop struck a nerve there James. :-)

I thought we all wore early-adopter-pants around here 'bouts.

I mean I remember paying $1399 for a Motorola Startac Elite with built in digital recorder answering machine and AMPS radio. Three months later the silly thing was $800.

[Kevin C. Tofel]

I took this for the tongue-in-cheek spirit intended and laughed the whole way through. Thanks!

[Sumocat]

Hmm... I've been blogging pro-iPhone since January yet I'm not the least bit upset over the price drop. In fact, I'm almost giddy.

[Dave Haupert]

No offense- I love your blog, but keep your day job as Fake Steve Jobs so killed today's announcements today I about lost it! You have to see it if you didn't already!

[Matt]

Waah waah. A company is making money selling me products I don't need but want. Get over it. You bought an iPhone because you wanted it, and you justified the price then, so nothing has changed (And if you didn't buy an iPhone what the hell is your point?). The iPod nano merely lost half it's weight, granted it looks weird proportionally but whatever, it plays videos finally. Apple selling ringtones for .99 too much? Thank god you don't own a phone that lets you purchase ringtones normally, I'd hate to hear you bitch about the 2.99USD you just spent to put Fergie on your phone from MTV. You may also want to note that it is .99 to 'craft' any song (yes that's right, you choose), into a ringtone for iPhone. So to correct your "double dipping" math, thats .99 + .99, or 1.98, or still cheaper than most ringtone sites... Oh and you still have choice of any song you have purchased.

[James Kendrick]

It's a JOKE, I don't even own an iPhone. :)

[Patrick]

James to Kevin: " what did I tell you about sucking up?! You're fired!" lol - comedy gold, keep it up!

@matt - better ease up on the koolaid their mate, all that iSugar is making you a tad twitchy!

IMHO, the iPod classic looks nice, but the nano looks too frumpy (and yes, I checked them out in person today). Can't wait to see the iNoPhone in the flesh on the 28th :)

[Matt]

My bad! :) I got frustrated trying to find real opinions on the new apple stuff.. When you google an Apple product you get: A) Apple fans obviously pro Apple products, which is ok but biased B) news stories and reviews on said new products C) haters who are just trying to get their blogs noticed in the heat of all the media attention. I assumed you were C, my apologies ;p

I was kinda wrong though about the ringtones... Apparently the music labels are *still* paranoid about ringtones, to the point where only select songs will be able to be converted into ringtones.. *sigh* ... It's not Apple's fault at least. :)